Why Is It So Hard to Disciple My Kids?
Do you struggle to help your kids think and react like Jesus? You're not alone. Thankfully, discipleship isn't as complicated as you think.
Brian Dembowczyk, PhD, is a Bible publisher and the author of Family Discipleship that Works. Connect with him at briandembo.com.
If you’re a parent, you probably struggle to disciple your children. You’re not alone. Fewer than 10 percent of Christians read the Bible or pray with their kids in a typical week.[1] And only 10 percent discuss faith in their homes on a regular basis, while 43 percent never do.[2]
This tells us how rare family discipleship is in the home and why fewer than one in five parents feel like they’re doing it well.[3] Most parents know they’re the primary disciplers of their kids but they still struggle to put it all together.
Why? I blame it on The Cheesecake Factory.
When a Menu Is Too Much of a Menu
Have you ever seen the menu at that place? It’s huge! There are so many great dishes on it, that it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by it all. You reach a point of throwing up your hands and saying, “I have no idea what I want!”
I think family discipleship is like that. It’s too big and lofty of a concept. There are so many ideas of what family discipleship is.
So many approaches to what we should do. So many key Bible passages to read and share. So many critical concepts to talk about like evangelism, Bible reading, prayer, stewardship, worship, spiritual disciplines, and so many more. And so, it’s easy for us to throw up our hands and say, “I have no idea what I am to do!”
The Simplicity of Family Discipleship
It’s at this point that I suggest we put our hands down, take a deep breath, and get back to the basics of what Jesus told us to do: “Follow me.”[4] It’s starkly beautiful in its simplicity. All 66 books, 1,189 chapters, 31,102 verses, and roughly 750,000 words in the Bible ultimately point to this central truth.[5]
God has extended an invitation to us to trust in Jesus for salvation and then to follow him. And that’s what our family discipleship should be about too. All the other things we talk about matter, but they are all to be taken captive to this single, laser-focused goal of introducing our children to Jesus and then, by the Holy Spirit’s power in both us and them, helping them to live more like Jesus day after day.
We struggle to disciple largely because this big, basic goal escapes us too often. We get lost in “the pasta section of The Cheesecake Factory,” and when that happens, it’s easy to lose our way, peter out, or give up altogether.
Getting Back to the Basics
So, what does it look like to frame our home discipleship around the simple goal of following Jesus?
It means that no matter what resources we might be using, what passage of Scripture we might be reading, and how old our kids are, the main question we’re going to pursue is this: Where do we see Jesus?
It means we’re going to look for Jesus’ redemptive work to celebrate and his perfect character to imitate. It means we’re going to prayerfully prompt our kids to be in awe of what Jesus has done while also prayerfully prompting them to consider how they can live out Jesus’ love, compassion, obedience, humility, generosity, friendship, and more at school, in the neighborhood, on the ball field, and wherever else they might go. It means we’ll fight to make our discipleship more complicated than it truly is.
So, the next time you feel overwhelmed about family discipleship, get back to the basics. Ask yourself how you can help your children see and love Jesus and, just as importantly, how you can help them live more like Jesus as his followers.
[1] George Barna, Revolutionary Parenting: What the Research Shows Really Works (Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House, 2010), loc 581; Mark Holmen, Church + Home: The Proven Formula for Building Lifelong Faith (Minneapolis: Bethany House, 2010), 27.
[2] Marcia J. Bunge, “Biblical and Theological Perspectives on Children, Parents, and ‘Best Practices’ for Faith Formation,” Dialog: A Journal of Theology 47, no. 4 (Winter 2008): 349.
[3] George Barna, Revolutionary Parenting, loc 335, Kindle.
[4] Matthew 4:19; 8:22; 9:9; 10:38; 16:24; 19:21
[5] Luke 24:27; John 5:39–40.
