What’s the Difference Between Christians and Non-Christians?

Not much, according to some.

The other day, I was reading Seeking God by Trevor Hudson, and after speaking with one of his psychologist friends, this friend said to Trevor,

Trevor, after thirty-five years of counseling people who attend church regularly and those who don’t, I have seen that there is little difference between the two groups. Church attendance doesn’t seem to make too much difference to how people respond to the crises and challenges we all face. There doesn’t seem to be greater compassion and love among those who identify as Christians than among those who don’t.[1]

Sadly, I have to concur. In the words of one of my clients, who was a pastor turned judge, “Ezra, some of the most wonderful, amazing people I’ve ever found are in church.” After a pause, he added, “And some of the meanest and nastiest people I’ve ever known have been in church.”

When I look back over the last five years of working with Christian and non-Christian clients, I’ve had some wonderful Christian clients. However, I've also found that Christian clients are actually, on average, tougher to deal with than non-Christian clients.

It’s no wonder many people today echo the words of Mahatma Gandhi and say to the church, “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”

So what are we to do? Here is the answer.

Develop an Expanding Love for God and Others

Loving others is contingent on our love for God. If we don’t get this first step right, all of our love for others will be disordered. We will love others according to our flawed understanding instead of God’s perfect standard.

To understand how to love others, we must first start with what it means to love God. For many Christians, love is little more than good vibes. It's a "Jesus is my boyfriend" kind of mentality.

But 1 John 4:8 tells us, “God is love.” That's his very essence. And both the Old and New Testaments affirm that loving God first and others second should be our highest priorities (Matt. 22:37-38). If this is the case, we need to understand what true love is.

The 18^th-century founder of Methodism, John Wesley, created a definition of love that my college professor, Phil Brown, adapted. It’s since become my working definition. Brown writes:

To love God is to self-sacrificially commit oneself to delight in Him, to rejoice in serving Him, to desire continually to please Him, to seek our happiness in Him, and to thirst day and night for a fuller enjoyment of Him.

This is worth memorizing. Let’s look at each component.

• Self-Sacrificial Commitment | Love always starts with the basis of self-sacrifice (Matthew 10:37-39).
• Delight in Him | Psalm 37:4 calls us to delight ourselves in the Lord. The word delight means to find exquisite pleasure in. When we delight in God, we naturally want more of him.
• Rejoice in Serving Him | Psalm 100:2 tells us we are to serve the Lord with gladness. Repeatedly, the apostle Paul referred to himself as a “bondservant” or willing slave of Jesus Christ. He did not have to serve Jesus but willingly chose to.
• Desire Continually to Please Him | Loving servants of God will go out of their way to please him (2 Cor. 5:9). They do more than what is asked.
• Seek Our Happiness in Him | Psalm 36:9 says our fountain of life is in God. He is the source of all true happiness. Our enjoyment quest will never be satisfied until our happiness rests in God.
• Thirst Day and Night for a Fuller Enjoyment of Him | In Psalm 63:1, David says his soul thirsts for God. Finding our enjoyment in God is like discovering a fridge full of water on a hot summer day. You find yourself constantly going back for more.

This is what it means to love God. Love isn't just a feeling. It's not merely a vague idea. It's an all-consuming reality where every part of our being longs to live in alignment with our creator.

So, How Do I Put This Love Into Practice?

Tomorrow, we’ll get into how we love others. But first, it would be good for you to pause and ask yourself, Do I genuinely love God?

What have I sacrificed to follow him? Do I delight in spending time with him? Am I actively pursuing knowledge to grow in my understanding of who he is? Do I long to please him? Am I happiest when I’m spending time with him? Is he constantly on my mind?

The reason I love this lengthy definition of love is because it gets to the heart of our true motivations. While many Christians equate obedience to God with love for him, the totality of Scripture reveals that what God really wants from us is our hearts.

Miss this, and spiritual formation will feel like a noose around your neck. With each new bit of spiritual light (1 John 1:7) you receive, you’ll feel like the Christian life is more constraining and more demanding. But when your love for God is based on genuine awe of who he is and a real desire to get to know him, this changes everything.

Sunday Christians like to talk about God’s love for them. Monday Christians grow in their love for God and others.

Be a Monday Christian.

[1] Trevor Hudson, Seeking God: Finding Another Kind of Life with St. Ignatius and Dallas Willard (Colorado Springs: The Navigators, n.d.), 45–46.