What If My Friends Disappoint Me?

I was a shy yet friendly child. I loved people, but I didn’t always know how to express myself, especially when it came to making friends. Once I did make a friend, though, I truly cherished that relationship and would beg my parents for yet another playdate so we could have hours of fun together.

Then came 1990. That year, my family of six said goodbye to our home and continent and traded them for the great and mysterious African one. This shift brought with it so many goodbyes. Over the next decade, I would say farewell time and time again, wondering if I would ever see my friends again. And for some, that fear became a reality. Thanks to social media, I catch glimpses into their lives, but for the most part, those friendships were only for a season.

This reality can make it hard to both make and maintain friendships. There’s a fear that comes with a new hello when you wonder if, soon enough, you’ll have to say goodbye. You start to question whether building lasting friendships is worth the time and effort.

Maybe your experience isn’t one of leaving friends—perhaps friends left you. Or maybe even rejected you. These kinds of experiences can deeply affect us if we let them. There is a very real temptation to turn inward and isolate when we fear loss or rejection.

But research shows that friendship is vital to a meaningful life. In fact, it has a significant impact on our physical, emotional, and mental well-being. One study even concluded that fulfilling relationships can affect our mortality—for better or worse.[1] If the community we keep has this much of an impact on our health, it must be important.

The Bible Backs This Up

The Bible backs this research up, offering insights into the lasting importance of community. Here are just a few verses that highlight friendship:

• Proverbs 17:17 (NIV)
  "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity."
• Proverbs 27:17 (NIV)
  "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another."
• Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NIV)
  "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up... Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."
• Romans 12:10 (NIV)
  "Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves."

If you’ve been in Christian circles for any length of time, you’ve probably heard about the faithful love and friendship of Jesus. There are several verses that show how the Almighty longs for friendship with His creation:

• Psalm 119:63 (NIV)
  "I am a friend to all who fear you, to all who follow your precepts."
• Proverbs 18:24 (NIV)
  "One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend [Jesus] who sticks closer than a brother."
• Exodus 33:11 (NIV)
  "The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend. Then Moses would return to the camp, but his young aide Joshua son of Nun did not leave the tent."
• James 2:23 (NIV)
  "And the scripture was fulfilled that says, 'Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,' and he was called God’s friend."

And perhaps the most powerful reminder of friendship’s depth—John 15:13 (NIV)—where Jesus says, "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends."

So, What Does This Mean For My Life?

I think we often shy away from that kind of vulnerability and selflessness. While we may never reach Jesus’ level of sacrifice, we can still ask Him to give us wisdom on how to be enduring friends. Jesus, the ultimate friend, calls us to follow His example.

True companionship between human beings requires time, effort, and patience. It is not simply a matter of fleeting encounters but of nurturing a relationship that lasts. In a world that often values quick connections and shallow exchanges, we need deep, lasting friendships more than ever.

I have been blessed with so many kinds of friendships, each shaping my life in meaningful ways. Some have lasted for a couple of years, while others have spanned a lifetime, where we can always pick up right where we left off as if no time had passed. Every one of these relationships matters.

Whether short-term or lifelong, each has protected me against the very real threat of isolation. It’s so easy to retreat inward, to let fear or busyness keep us from reaching out, but when we do, we risk losing the connections that make life richer and more fulfilling. Turning inward can feel like self-preservation, but in truth, it often leads to loneliness and distance from the very support we need.

The fight against isolation is no small challenge, but the rewards—companionship, support, and the joy of shared experiences—make it worthwhile.

When we nurture healthy relationships rooted in love and mutual care, we create a community that will carry us through every season of life. As someone who is naturally reserved and partial to time spent alone, I tell you the truth: invest in even just a couple of friendships and watch your life transform.

[1] D. Umberson and J. K. Montez, “Social Relationships and Health: A Flashpoint for Health Policy,” Journal of Health and Social Behavior 51, Suppl (2010): S54–S66, https://doi.org/10.1177/0022146510383501.