What Being Blind Has Taught Me About Winning the War in My Mind

The concept of “winning something” implies it is an ongoing battle. I have found this to be true in my life, although I’m open to any suggestions from those of you who might have it all figured it out! In all seriousness, I may not have the strategy to win your fight, but I know what it feels like to struggle with this reality.

Since I am a blind man, my only vision is what my mind’s eye conjures up, and unfortunately, that is often not an infallible reflection of reality.

Whether you are blind, sighted, mentally jacked, or need medication just to get through your day, we are all walking through this "mindfield." My prayer is that these words will encourage you to look to your Heavenly Father for strength and experience a change in perspective.

I honestly believe I would have given into self-pity and fear a long time ago if it were not for my faithful God. He’s been a friend when I’ve felt lonely and otherwise forgotten. He’s been my counselor when there has been no one else around to listen. He’s been my guide and protector when Uber, strangers, and airport personnel have fallen short and left me thinking, “I can’t do this again.”

It is his grace that empowers me daily, and often, moment by moment, to continue believing the outcome of my situation can be for his glory if I remain, as James says, “steadfast under trial.”

A Shift in Perspective

I’ve always been an independent person and reluctant (or perhaps too proud) to ask for help. Unfortunately, blindness and independence don’t always go hand in hand. So, I’m still learning how to throw back the bitter shot of pride and ask for help. Luckily, I’ve enrolled in a course that expedites this process (It’s called “Life 101”). I know now this reluctance is rooted in fear. Fear of rejection, fear of being an inconvenience to someone else, fear of talking to a trashcan instead of the person I believed was there and looking like an idiot.

One of my first lessons came right after I moved out of the house and into my dorm at Trevecca Nazarene University. I was new, alone, and unfamiliar with my surroundings. I sat in my room for an entire weekend, too afraid to even venture out to find food. I was afraid of what was “out there” and how I might be perceived by others in this new place. Eventually, however, my snacks were depleted, my social battery needed to be charged, and I knew if I was to survive here, I would have to leave what was comfortable.

I made it to the cafeteria (a miracle indeed) and then was faced with the challenge of finding the food. I remember standing at the entrance and being told to “wait here” while they found a staff member to assist me. In that moment, I felt instant regret and a longing for the familiar washed over me, coupled with frustration that something so simple could be so difficult.

Someone finally came out and rattled off the many choices available. I chose the sub line, and because I was still stewing in my feelings of dread about this situation, I froze when it came time to choose my toppings. I ended up with a horrifyingly dry ham, cheese, and onion sub.

As I choked down my sandwich, awful as it was, I felt a small but distinct flicker of accomplishment. I had achieved a new level of freedom that day—not without frustration and challenge, but nonetheless, I had conquered a fear.

I realized this process played out in different scenarios would be repeated over and over as I learned what it meant to live independently, blind, in a sighted world. God wasn’t going to change my circumstances, but if I allowed him, through the work of the Holy Spirit, he would kindly shift my perspective. He would change me.

It All Starts with Trust in God

At times, I’m still tempted to play the “what if” or “if only” game. On bad days, even simple tasks made more difficult by blindness can lead me to this place. But I’ve learned that this is a one-way path to self-pity and fear and ultimately leaves me doubting God’s wisdom and plan for my life. And I refuse to dwell there.

I want to live in an ever-growing knowledge of God’s goodness and faithfulness. I want to remember the truth of Psalm 139 that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. That I was knit together perfectly by God. When I think on this, I am reminded of the truth of Isaiah 26:3, which says, “You will keep the mind that is dependent on you in perfect peace, because it trusts in you.”

This trust in God becomes the basis for my ability to choose between faith or fear, anger or acceptance, bitterness or joy, self-preservation, or letting go of what’s comfortable to experience something new. I’m still learning, falling, fighting, and yes, by his grace, winning.

As Paul writes in Philippians 3:12, “Not that I have already reached the goal, or am already perfect, but I make every effort to take hold of it because I have been taken hold of by Christ Jesus.”

Because I belong to Christ, and Christ Jesus has taken hold of me, my mind can embrace what is true. I have found that my greatest source of strength is renewing my mind in his word and in prayer.