Should You Always Encourage People to Get Married?

A Few Thoughts to Consider

If you’re married, how do you treat your single friends?

Are you always trying to match-make? If you’re of the same age but married, are you always praying for your friend to “find the right person”? Are there several single friends you’ve made a part of your life? Because many churches are built around traditional family structures, many Christians in the church don’t know what to do with those who don’t fit the mold. And this poses a significant problem that Paul addresses in 1 Corinthians 7.

In verses 7-9, Paul says, ⁷ “I wish that all people were as I am. But each has his own gift from God, one person has this gift, another has that. ⁸ I say to the unmarried and to widows: It is good for them if they remain as I am. ⁹ But if they do not have self-control, they should marry, since it is better to marry than to burn with desire.”

Paul underscores that both states are valuable and sanctioned by God, but they come with different responsibilities and opportunities for service. One isn’t better than the other. It’s his wish that Christians be celibate like he is, but certainly not a command. As Verlyn Verbrugge notes, “The very nature of a gift from God (via the Holy Spirit) is that some have it and others do not.”^[1] After more teaching on marriage, in verses 32-35, Paul adds these words:

³² I want you to be without concerns. The unmarried man is concerned about the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. ³³ But the married man is concerned about the things of the world—how he may please his wife— ³⁴ and his interests are divided. The unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the things of the Lord, so that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But the married woman is concerned about the things of the world—how she may please her husband. ³⁵ I am saying this for your own benefit, not to put a restraint on you, but to promote what is proper and so that you may be devoted to the Lord without distraction.

As N.T. Wright notes, “Paul left Corinth, most likely, in AD 51. Right around that time, and for a few years afterwards — exactly the period between his leaving and his writing this letter — there was a severe shortage of grain, the most basic foodstuff, around the Greek world.”^[2] He goes on to write, “Many Roman citizens and colonists — and many in Corinth were both — had taken it for granted that the great Roman empire would keep them safe, sound and well fed. Suddenly the food had run out. A great question mark hung over the whole imperial world. Was everything going horribly wrong?”^[3]