Should Every Christian Get Married and Have Kids?
Jesus was single and entirely whole. That’s because his completion came not from another human being but from the union with the Holy Spirit and his Heavenly Father.
Sometimes I cringe when I hear Christian speakers talk about family because it’s clear they have the suburban American/Canadian dream as their template. “If you’re a Christian,” they say, “you will find a spouse, get married, have babies, and make your community a better place.”
To be clear, this isn’t a bad paradigm. It’s one God established, and it’s one my wife and I have followed. However, the problem occurs when this model is presented as the only option.
I think of my friends who are same-sex attracted, believe a heterosexual marriage is not an option they can pursue, and, in devotion to Jesus, have committed themselves to a life of celibacy. In doing so, they make a level of self-sacrificial commitment most in pop culture deem foolish, and many heterosexual Christians have never considered.
Rather than look to these individuals as models of tremendous faith and courage, many Christians have stuck with their 1960s American Dream version of Christianity and pressed these single adults to the margins.
“Yes, you can attend our church, but you’re not going to be able to lead a ministry.” “Feel free to sit in the audience, but you’re never going to share from the stage.” “Be part of our church family, but understand that all our programs are geared towards the middle-aged couple with two kids.”
You've heard it before, but it bears repeating. Jesus was single and entirely whole. That’s because his completion came not from another human being but from the union with the Holy Spirit and his Heavenly Father. And out of this divine union, he entered the family structure on earth that God created.
Marriage between one man and one woman is a God-ordained institution, but it is also one Jesus said would not exist beyond this life.[1] That’s because the basic intent of marriage and family are to point us to an even greater union that exists with God—one that countless single individuals around the globe can and do experience.
How did Jesus, as a single adult, model family behavior? We catch a glimpse of this when Jesus performed his first miracle.
The First Miracle
In John 2, when the wine runs out at a wedding celebration, Jesus’ mother Mary comes up to him and says, “They have no wine.”
In my mind, I imagine this scene featuring one of Mary’s patented mom looks. You know the kind. The one that tells you the question she has just asked is more of a statement. Mary’s comment to Jesus, “They have no more wine,” might as well have been the young mom telling their eight-year-old girl, “Your room is a mess.” We’ve got a problem, and you need to do something about it.
It’s here that Jesus could have pulled the trump card: “Look, Mom, I’m God, and I’ve got a few bigger things on my mind.” Instead, he responds by telling Mary his ministry hour is not yet here. In other words, her request is poor timing. But in a strong, mom-like response, she does not even answer him. Instead, she calls the servants of the house and says, “Whatsoever he says to you, do it.”
Evidently, Mary had spent so much time with Jesus and was so confident in his identity that she trusted him without reservation to answer her request. The amount of BREAD he had cast into her life prior to this point had convinced her that he was who the world would one day hear him claim to be. With Mary’s prompting, Jesus’ public ministry was underway.
So, What Can We Learn from Jesus’ Example?
Despite not having a family of his own, Jesus subjected himself to the ordinary family experience because this idea of family had divine origins. Passages like Matthew 15 drive home this point. In first-century Jewish culture, adults were expected to care for ailing parents through financial provision.
But here is what would happen: Religious leaders told their followers that they could give the same donation to the temple if they preferred. This meant people offered money that should have gone to their parents' provision but instead went into the pockets of the religious elite.
Young adults could walk around and boast about their contributions to the temple, even as their parents suffered. This realization left Jesus to quote from the prophet Isaiah in verse 8 and state, “This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me.”
