How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Do you struggle with comparison? It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparison by scrolling through social media, seeing someone else's success, and wondering, “Why not me?” Whether it's careers, relationships, or spiritual journeys, comparison steals our joy and distorts our perspective.

The other day, I was chatting with my oldest girl about this. She talked about how she wished she was older, wished she had more independence, and wished she could be like others and strike off on her own. She is also seven!

It reminded me that the comparison game starts so early and never stops. When we're young, we compare ourselves to someone older and think, "If only." If only I could find a partner. If only I could get married. If only I could find that fulfilling career.

Comparison is so natural.

We compare careers, families, abilities, and hobbies.

When I was a pastor, the most common question I received was, "What is the size of your church?" Now that I'm a content creator, it's "What is the size of your platform?" And among entrepreneurs, it's "What is the size of your business?"

Then there are the constant staples. "How big is your house?" "How much do you make a year?" "What toys do you have in your garage?" These are all mile-markers society says should dictate who we hang around with and who we should become.

Because I work in an environment where I constantly interact with high-performers, I find the comparison trap awfully tempting. “If I just did this differently, I could have that.” “If I built my platform this way, I could grow my business so much faster.” “If I was more disciplined like such and such, I could accomplish way more.”

Part of this is healthy. I want to be around people who stretch me to be better. But there is another part that can quickly lead to discontent. To this point, a verse I think of often is 2 Corinthians 10:12, where the Apostle Paul warns:

For we don’t dare classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. But in measuring themselves by themselves and comparing themselves to themselves, they lack understanding.”

Translation? If you want to be a fool, spend all your days comparing yourself to others.

There are two ways that comparison steals our joy. The first is to use comparison by stacking up our greatest strengths against others’ greatest weaknesses. This leads to pride. The second is to compare our greatest weaknesses to others’ greatest strengths. This leads to despair.

If you struggle with comparison, here are a few suggestions.

Suggestion 1: Practice Situational Contentment

Not contentment that lets you settle, but contentment that echos Paul’s words in Philippians 4:12, where he says, “I know how to make do with little, and I know how to make do with a lot. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content—whether well fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need.”

Contentment found in Christ isn't tied to money, status, or relational stability. It's a hope that anchors your soul when everything around you feels unsteady.

Suggestion 2: Celebrate the Success of Others

This is something Janan and I tried to practice in the early days of trying to have kids. While we wanted kids for several years, we decided that instead of unfollowing our friends who posted baby updates, we would intentionally practice gratitude and be genuinely happy for those who had what we wanted.

I challenge you to try this. Pick an area where you're tempted to compare yourself to others this week and be grateful that God has blessed others with what you wish you could have.

Suggestion 3: Take a Second Look At What You Do Have

It's easy to live five years beyond where you're at. As a result, you're always grasping for what you can never reach. This causes you to forget all the blessings you have.

So before charging into the grind of life this week, take a few minutes to pause and remember everything you have. Think about those things you have that would have caused you so much gratitude a few years ago. Be content to live in the moment and don't always chase the future.

Ultimately, the need to compare stems from a heart that is discontent. But when we find our full contentment in God, when we recognize we are truly enough in him, this leads to a quiet confidence that, in turn, helps us lean into being the person Christ has predestined us to be.

Key Takeaway: Stop using every interaction as a chance to compare, and start using them as an opportunity to practice contentment.