Engage God With Your Head, Heart, and Hands

One of the best pieces of marriage advice Janan and I ever received was on the ride from our wedding chapel to the reception. We had a few minutes of downtime, and Janan’s Uncle Gary, our chauffeur for the day, took us on an impromptu trip to McDonald’s. (When you get married in North Pole, Alaska, your options are limited)

After we pulled away from the drive-thru window, he turned to us and said, “Let me give you some advice. If you two ever find yourself in a conflict you cannot resolve, at least one of you has a problem with your relationship with God.” I’ve never forgotten that.

Six years into our marriage, we were renovating our home in Toronto. After I painted our upstairs bedrooms and had the carpet installed, Janan cleaned them from top to bottom. As she did, her only request was that if I did any more construction work, I keep the dust outside. A few days later, I noticed that one of the doors was catching a bit when I went to close it.

No problem, I thought. I’ll just get the sander and shave a bit off the edge (revealing my very limited carpentry skills). That’s when I remembered Janan’s request and a short battle in my mind ensued.

Should I do what was most convenient, or should I do what I knew was right?

The Choice

I chose the first option.

It’s not a big deal, I said to myself. Besides, I’ve been doing renovations for days and taking the doors off the hinges to take them outside will take me a whole five minutes I cannot afford to spend.

Even as I tried to convince myself, I knew I was wrong. But I didn’t care. I sanded away, and within a few minutes, the door functioned as it should. Mission accomplished. But then Janan walked in, and let’s just say the next few minutes were…unpleasant as a thin layer of dust now covered the once-clean room.

Noticing her frustration, I said something like, “You should just be grateful I’m doing all this hard work.” Then, I went outside to work on another project, leaving Janan in tears.

The moment I walked out the front door, I realized what I’d done. By hurting my wife, I had also damaged my relationship with God. I couldn’t just treat Janan like dirt and then come back to my relationship with God as though nothing happened. The two were interconnected.

A few minutes later, I went back inside and apologized to Janan, and to God. As I did, I was reminded of a powerful lesson. My relationship with God is directly connected to my relationships with others.

When I hurt others, I hurt God. If my relationship with God grows cold, I won’t treat others the way I should. This means my connection to him can’t be an afterthought. I can’t afford to be a little spiritual, religious, or faith-based.

Engage with Your Head, Heart, and Hands

The Christian life is integrated; there is no compartmentalization. It’s no use showing up to church on Sunday if you treat your spouse, kids, coworkers, or others like trash on Monday. But this is easier said than done.

What's the key to integration? Start by going back to that Ecclesiastes 11 merchant metaphor and considering the totality of the BREAD (Beliefs, Resources, Energy, Affections, and Dedication) you have to invest. Next, commit to engaging God with every part of your being. This includes casting your bread with your head, heart, and hands.

First, develop a proper head knowledge of God. Do your homework. Read deeply and study widely. Meditate on the words of Jesus in the four gospels.

Second, apply your hands and rub shoulders with other followers of Christ. Find a solid church and attend with the purpose of pursuing God. Do not fixate on others' glaring imperfections. Instead, show up with a heart to seek God by interacting with others who are created in his image.