Are You Famous In Your Home?

The past few weeks, I've been taking my daily devotional subscribers through a series on investing in personal relationships. (Side note: I'd sure love it if you joined the 50+ individuals who are part of this community! I often feature the different voices of my subscribers and I think it would be very valueable to you.)

This past week, we looked at family. For parents, when it comes to investing in our families, the Bible gives us a clear priority structure. God is first, our spouse second, kids third, and everything else after that. Whenever we mess up this structure, life goes off the rails.  

Yes, your family dynamic might look very different from the 1960s nuclear family American dream. Everyone’s journey is unique. But the point is to be intentional in the way you invest. Invest nothing, and that is what you can expect to receive in return. As a dad, one of my favorite passages of scripture is Deuteronomy 6:4-9, which states:

⁴ “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. ⁵ You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. ⁶ And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. ⁷ You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. ⁸ You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. ⁹ You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

The simple application of this passage is that the primary people responsible for the spiritual well-being of children are their parents.

This means I can’t just send my kids to a Christian church and hope they will turn out right. Instead, I am to step up and proactively help my children encounter Jesus in the little things of life. It’s conversations around the dinner table, driving to a sports event, or while reading a book.

One of my favorite conversations of 2022 was with Sarah Cowan Johnson. In Teach Your Children Well, Sarah Cowan Johnson writes, “Our life is full of opportunities to disciple our children. And, whether or not we disciple them, they will be discipled—by billboards, by kids in the back of the school bus, and by a world that does not know Jesus and his love.”^[1]

Commit to Change

I share this not to guilt or discourage you. If you’re married, maybe your relationship with your spouse is not great. If you have kids, perhaps they are grown and have no interest in serving God. If you’re single, maybe you have been fasting and praying for a family member for years, but nothing seems to happen. As a result, you feel like a failure.

Understandably, all of us have made mistakes along the way. If you could, you would take back those harsh words you spoke to your spouse. You would spend more time with your kids when they needed you most. You would have been kinder to your parents. But rather than dwelling on feelings of guilt from the past, we must push towards the future.

So maybe you have not been the leader in your home that you should be. Make the choice today to change. Perhaps you live in a broken relationship with stepkids or stepparents. Maybe you suffered abuse as a child and are plagued with doubts about your sexual orientation. I do not know what your story is. But I challenge you to make the most of your life today.

Go to a marriage conference. Read some books on child raising. But most of all get on your face before God and seek him for direction. Ask him to work miracles in your family’s life that only he can do. Figure out what steps you need to make for the future so you do not repeat the past. Commit to change.

Be Famous In Your Home

I once heard Jon Acuff say, “If you are a leader on stage or you are a leader at work, but you are not leading at home, you are not a leader. You are an actor.” These words cut deep, and they keep me focused on what really matters.

As Mark Batterson writes, “Success is living life with such authentic integrity that those who know me best actually respect me most.”

Statements like this remind me that I want to be famous in my home. Yes, I care what others think about me. But I care more about how my wife and kids view me. (Speaking of which...)

Does my wife see me as someone who cherishes her more than my work, and do my kids have certainty that I love them more than I enjoy my personal hobbies? In my eyes, if I’m popular with others but a stranger in my home, I’m a fraudster.

We can say it’s “family first” all we want, but at the end of the day, our actions tell the story. So invest much and invest often in those who are closest to you. Aim to be more famous in your home than you are in public so that those who know you best respect you most.

[1] Sarah Cowan Johnson, Teach Your Children Well (Downers Grove, IL: IVP Press, n.d.), 2.